Friday, July 26, 2013

In Memory of My Dad

I have sat down and tried to write out my feelings about the loss of my dad many times but I just cant seem to find the right words. I’m so happy for him yet so sad for myself. I guess I naively just thought this day would never come. After all, he was the Miracle Man. The Answer Man. The Professor. 

I feel like a huge piece of me is gone and I can't believe the world is carrying on around me as if nothing happened. Life seems so much emptier now. Everything I do reminds me of him. I can still hear him laughing and whispering to me “you're my favorite but don't tell the others.” I would give anything to hear his voice one more time. The thought of him not seeing Z grow up just breaks my heart even more.

Dad, thanks for all that you've done for me. For doing my chores when I had forgotten, for helping with my homework, for going to all of those concerts with me, for building the bookshelf with me, for everything… I’ll never forget our inside jokes, our Tuna Tuesdays, and all of memories together. I know you're in a better place but I miss you more than anyone will ever know and I’ll think of you every day for the rest of my life. I cant wait til I get to see you again. I love you. ♥

“Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away.” Genesis 5:24 (NIV)

I wrote that a couple weeks after my dad died in December 2012. Reading it now for the first time since then made me burst into tears as I rocked my little girl. I feel like my memories of him are slowly slipping away but the pain of the loss is as strong as ever. Sometimes I can't remember the sound of his voice or his laugh. Its been 8 months now since he's been gone and I feel like he has already missed so much. Every milestone in my life feels bittersweet because he's not here to share it with me. I miss him with all of my heart and my life just isn't the same without him.

For those who do not know, my dad lost his life to brain cancer at the age of 55, after battling it for 6 years. I was only 17 when he had his first seizure and I was 23 when he died and Baby Z was only 11 months old.

My only wish is that they find a cure for cancer in my lifetime. Enough people have suffered and it needs to end. To learn more about brain cancer and what you can do to help visit Together we'll find a cure.

My Daddy and I when I was about Baby Z's age.


  1. I'm so sorry for your pain and it is so natural for all of this and your feelings. For some time, I thought I'd lose my mind after losing the majority of mine within 6 years. My dad was young also, he was 57. I lost a brother at 18 years of age, 2 years later my dad. He was buried on a Friday and my only other brother passed on the following Monday. Then , 2 years later, I lost my mom. By this time, I was seeing a doctor for my nerves. I felt like you, how could everyone be having so much fun when it felt everything shattered in mine. Then, I finally realized, it is not just forever, it is until we get called home and I believe they are with us. I pray God will comfort you during these most difficult times and trust will get much easier in time. I have my family on vacation in my head I guess but I know, it will be a glorious day when we all reunite. Hold on to your faith and be strong for your daughter.

    1. Sandy,
      Thank you so much for your sweet words, I truly appreciate it. I'm so sorry that you had all of that happen to you in such a short amount of time. I cant imagine losing anyone else at this point in my life. I do find comfort in God for I know my Dad was a strong believer as well. I can only hope that it truly does get easier as time goes on. Thanks again. :)

  2. My father had brain cancer too he died when I was 23 it was a tough time but God gets you through it.


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